


Collection of commentfics.

by NellieOleson



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 18:24:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NellieOleson/pseuds/NellieOleson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>LJ commentfic, written for various reasons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Collection of commentfics.

#1

nanda made a post and thought she needed an 'I am an idiot' tag for it.

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Jack was used to the odd looks, so it took him a while to notice that something was wrong.

It started with the airman at the entrance to the mountain. Jack was talking to Carter on his way in like he did every morning he managed to catch her in the parking lot. Which was most mornings when she'd actually spent the night in her own house and not her lab or under the itchy wool blankets they kept on the base bunks. It took a little bit of luck and a lot of stalking but he managed to time his entrance with her own often enough to keep him happy. It was fun and mostly innocent and he got to ride all the way down the mountain with her, usually alone in the small elevator where the smell of her shampoo was just a bit intoxicating.

"Sir?" the airman called to him as they walked past the checkpoint.

Jack turned around, slightly annoyed that they'd been interrupted. Carter had been explaining something he had no hope of ever understanding. It was one of his favorite things. Jack had never been put off by intelligent women and he could listen to her all day. "Yes?"

The guard looked at him a moment and then over his shoulder at Carter who had taken a few more steps before stopping. "Uh, never mind, sir. Have a good day."

"Yeah, you too."

They kept walking but Carter didn't continue the conversation.

"What do you think that was about?" he asked once they were in the elevator.

"I don't know," she said. She was paying a lot of attention to her reflection in the smooth metal walls but Jack just figured she was checking her hair. Later he'd realize how little sense that made. Carter probably didn't spend much more time than he did on her hair, especially on mission days.

They met Teal'c and Daniel in the dining facility to go over the mission plan. Carter sat down because she knew he'd grab coffee and pie for both of them. He liked that more than he'd ever admit. When he returned with his tray, Carter and Daniel were laughing about something. Jack didn't bother asking. It was probably some sort of geek joke that he wouldn't understand anyway. He tried to decide if Teal'c was laughing too but Teal'c had a hell of a poker face and revealed nothing.

He handed Carter a cup of coffee and a slice of banana cream pie. It was the last piece in the display and he almost kept it for himself, but he knew it was her favorite. Her eyes lit up just like he knew they would. Sometimes she was surprisingly easy to please. "Thank you, sir."

He just nodded at her, not trusting himself to make an actual sentence.

They weren't scheduled to depart until late afternoon so Jack walked Carter to her lab and when he ran out of reasons to loiter, he headed for his office to catch up on mission reports. At least that was the party line he fed Carter. In reality, he'd probably spend most of the day trying to throw cards into a trash can. Maybe he'd at least think about the mission reports. Sometimes, if he was far enough behind, Carter would hang out in his office and type them up for him. It wasn't fair, really. Nobody could expect him to get them done on time and miss out on that.

He walked through the halls, too caught up in his own thoughts to realize that people were paying too much attention to him.

It wasn't until he was gearing up that he found the reason for all the strange looks and stifled laughter that had been plaguing him all day.

It crinkled under his vest and he wasn't flexible enough to grab it without removing his top. He had no idea how she'd managed to stick it on him without him noticing. Because she would have had to touch him and Jack paid a lot of attention to things like that. There was no doubt that she'd been the one to put the sign on his back, payback for the 'I'm smarter than all of you' sign he'd stuck on her last month. At least his sign had been complimentary. He crumpled the 'I am an idiot' sign into a ball and started plotting his revenge.

 

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#2 Somebody asked for a prequel to the 'I am an idiot fic.' So I wrote it. :P

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The hard part was getting Daniel to keep his mouth shut.

Not that Carter was easy to mess with, at least not when it came to complicated pranks. Jack was a simple man and his plans rarely made it past the whoopi cushion and fake vomit level. Carter had a harder time with those; it was almost like she had no contact with her inner twelve year old.

He stepped up his game a bit to pull it off. Carter was perceptive. She would have noticed the crinkling of paper, so he’d had the ‘I’m Smarter Than All Of You’ embroidered on a square piece of fabric. He’d even bought some double-sided carpet tape to go with it because regular masking tape wasn’t flexible enough.

He spent three hours following her around the base, waiting for the right moment. In a perfect world, he would have been able to slap it on her back before they made it to the elevator. In his actual world, Carter was riding the elevator alone, three hours before Jack managed to roll out of bed. He might have a chance at breakfast; she'd wait for the rest of them because the mess hall was less depressing with friends.

That opportunity slipped through his fingers when Siler stopped him at the door. By the time he finished pretending to listen to Siler, Carter was sitting comfortably in her cheap plastic chair waiting for her pie and coffee. Jack stood in line with his tray and tucked the sign back into his pocket wondering if he’d just have to wait another day.

He killed an hour harassing Daniel before heading to her lab. She was used to him showing up at odd times for no reason. She barely acknowledged him when he pulled up a chair and snagged the Rubik’s cube from her desk. He was getting pretty good at solving the first two layers and Carter had promised to teach him the final algorithms when he was ready. It was fun and it kept his hands off of all the dangerous stuff that Carter liked to play with.

Which was probably the only reason she’d bought the cube for him.

“Carter,” he said when she looked less busy than normal. “I think I’m ready.”

She walked over and looked at his handiwork. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll show you the first step.” He stared at her hands while she rotated the cube. “You need to make sure the final edges are facing the right direction before you place the corners.” She magicked the edges into place and showed him how they made a cross. Then she messed them up twice and fixed them in slow motion. “This is the easiest part,” she told him.

The Carter in his head kept repeating that while he made a mess of the cube.

He was just about to give up and leave when he noticed her leaning forward in her chair, probing some tiny piece of technology and concentrating like her life depended on it. In all fairness, Jack supposed that might be true. Carter messed with some weird shit.

He pulled his sign out and quietly removed the backing on the tape. Carter kept working. It wasn’t hard to sneak up on her but he didn’t want to scare her in case the thing on her bench was explodable. “Whatcha got there, Carter?” he asked as he moved next to her chair.

Most of Carter’s brain was still dedicated to her work. She only spared one word for Jack. “Transmitter,” she said.

That sounded safe enough. He patted her on the back, literally, for her fine work ethic and the tape worked beautifully. “I’ll just get out of your hair,” he told her before running off to gloat about his stealthiness to Daniel.

 

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#3

1969 commentfic for mrspollifax's 'Peace, Love and Coffee' icon.

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It happened somewhere near St. Louis; Jack blamed the contact high he’d had since he set foot on the bus that looked like it had been born in a paint factory explosion. If they ever got back, it would be a month before any of them could pass a piss test.

They were camping off a deserted road like they did most nights. Carter had a blanket spread on the ground because she’d finally had enough peace, love, and close-quarter sleeping. Jack had joined her, mostly to keep an eye on her, but also because spending the night under the stars seemed a lot more appealing than spending it under the cheap sheet metal dome of the bus.

She was on her back, staring at the sky, still too keyed up on coffee to have any hope of falling asleep. “I don’t know how they can sleep in there,” she said.

Jack glanced in the direction of the bus. They’d built their fire a slightly more than safe distance away but Jack was still concerned it would blow up unexpectedly. He hadn’t ridden in such a poorly maintained vehicle since he was sixteen. Which, oddly, was only last year. Oy. It made his head hurt to think about that.

“Oh, I don’t know, Captain. They seemed pretty cozy.” Speaking of which... He was still sitting cross-legged in front of the campfire, poking at the embers with a broken car antenna he’d found on the ground. “Mind if I join you?”

“No, of course not.” She slid over so he’d have enough room and Jack made a pillow out of his jacket. The sky was clear and bright and he realized that it had been far too long since he’d done any stargazing on Earth. His telescope was nice but sometimes the naked eye was the better tool.

They stayed up late, watching the moon make its way across the sky. Later, Jack wouldn’t remember exactly what they’d talked about, only that he had been pleasantly surprised at how easy the conversation had been. Carter was still young enough--and, Christ, she was probably still watching Sesame Street somewhere-, to have a less cynical view of the world. Sometimes he forgot what that was like.

The fire died out and neither of them made an effort to save it. When she moved closer and curled up against his side, it seemed perfectly reasonable to let her. It was chilly and they only had the one blanket. She fell asleep like that, with her nose buried in his ribs and one fist curled up on his chest. Jack watched the stars a while longer, thinking that getting home would be nice, but being stranded in the past wasn’t so bad either.

 

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#4  
Ficlet for Continuum 5 year anniversary squee-fest.  
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Sam watched him in the flickering candlelight. Jack was staring at the dark television, watching something only he could see. She wiggled her toes to get his attention. “Hey,” she said. Jack pulled one of her feet out from under his thigh and rubbed her toes. It made her think twice about broaching the subject. They had so little time together.

“Sorry,” he said. “I was... thinking.”

“That’s so unlike you.”

“Funny.” He ran his hand far enough up her leg to distract her. She wasn’t sure if it was his way of killing the conversation before it got started. It was a trick they were both pretty good at. One of the few things they had in common.

She poked at the subject a little more. Sometimes he needed to be pushed--another thing they shared. “Are you okay? You don’t have to be there.”

“No way in hell I’m missing this one, Carter. I want to see that snaky son of a bitch dead once and for all.”

“We all do. I just-”

“I’ll be fine." He stood up and held out a hand. “Come on, Carter. I had to do a lot of schedule rearranging to get here early. This isn’t exactly what I had in mind for that extra time.”

“Oh, yeah,” she took his hand and let him help her to her feet. The Ba’al conversation would just have to wait. They’d get there eventually. “What did you have in mind?”

“Oh, you know.” He slid his hands under her shirt and pulled her closer. “A little of this,” he said. “And a little of that.”

It had been months since they’d been together and Jack was still on DC time, so despite his big plans, he passed out about two seconds after six minutes worth of sex. It would be better in the morning. That was just the way things were between them.

She watched him for a while, wondering if he’d have nightmares. Ba’al had nearly broken him in a way that the other Goa’uld had never managed. She pulled the sheet up over his chest. The after-sex warmth was already fading.

He woke her early the next morning like she knew he would, with deft hands and a warm mouth. Later, she dropped him off at the mountain and went for coffee alone. Their relationship wasn’t exactly a secret, but maybe they still liked to pretend. She’d had enough of the knowing looks when they weren’t sleeping together.

She lingered at the coffee shop until her phone rang. Jack was going to head out early, he’d see her on the Tok’ra homeworld, and could she bring some popcorn? Cam called next like he’d known that Jack was running off without her, inviting her to breakfast with the rest of the team at the hole-in-the-wall diner just outside the base. The type of place that had a habit of sprouting up around military bases like mushrooms in a dark forest. Dry-cleaners and Payday Loans and One-dollar Chinese, all clustered outside the gate.

Daniel followed her to her car afterward. "How's Jack?" he asked.

She didn't bother to not understand the question. They had too much history for that. She answered with a shrug of her shoulders. "You know how he is."

Daniel nodded because he did know. "Maybe he'll want to talk when it's over."

She forgot sometimes, that Daniel had known Jack the longest.

***

Jack acted slightly dismayed when they took him to a nice place for their free lunch. They stayed until the dinner crowd started drifting in, talking about everything and nothing. Despite the size of the bill, nobody offered to chip in. Jack wouldn’t have let them and it wasn’t like he had anything else to spend his money on.

Jack said his goodbyes to the others in the parking lot, and Sam tossed him the keys to her car. “Take me home,” she told him.

He had a late flight back to DC and probably had to be in the office the next morning. Somehow his desk job had turned out to be as exhausting as field work had been. He caught the keys and gave her a mock salute. “Yes, ma’am,” he said.

The sun was setting in her backyard when Daniel’s intuition proved correct. They were standing on her deck, shoulders touching as they leaned on the railing. Jack kept looking at his watch, blaming it for the speed the minutes were passing. He took her hand and kept staring into the distance. “So,” he said. “Do you want to hear about the time I kept dying and Daniel wouldn’t help me?”

She closed her eyes and leaned into him. “Yeah,” she told him. “I think I do.”

 

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#5  
For supplyship's 'Jack can read your mind' icon.  
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Sam wasn’t sure why the SGC didn’t have a rule in place banning SG teams from eating or drinking anything they hadn’t brought through the gate with them. It was something that had a habit of leading to trouble. Sometimes it was just simple, but unpleasant, intestinal issues. Other times, it was... a lot less simple.

Colonel O’Neill was sitting in the infirmary while Janet decided what to do with him. He wasn’t happy about being stuck there so long after the rest of them had been cleared. She almost felt sorry for him. Almost, because he really should know better by now. “Come on, Doc. I’m fine.”

“Colonel, you were unconscious for three hours.” Janet tapped her pen against her clipboard, considering her options. They hadn’t managed to get a sample of the drink for her to analyze so she had nothing to go on but some inconclusive blood work. The near comatose state he’d been in when they dragged him back through the gate had been a little scary, but he really did seem fine now.

“I’ve had worse hangovers,” he said. Sam wondered if that were true.

Sam could tell by the angle of Janet’s shoulders that she was going to give in. Not because she wasn’t skeptical about his condition, but because Colonel O’Neill could be such a pain in the ass. Nobody in the infirmary wanted to deal with him when he wasn’t sick enough to be heavily medicated. “I’ll let you go,” she said. “But I want you back here first thing in the morning.” She gave Sam an apologetic look. “And no driving.”

Colonel O’Neill hopped off the gurney and spotted her loitering in the doorway. Sam understood why Daniel had run off so quickly. “Carter will take me home.”

Sam forced a smile and cursed her concern for his well-being. She should have left the base as soon as she’d turned her report in to General Hammond. “Sure, sir.” And then, because she couldn’t help herself, “It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

They didn’t even make it to her car before things started to get weird.

He kept looking at her sideways like he had something he wanted to say. The parking lot seemed extra vast. Sam tried to think of things to talk about, but the idea of being alone with him in her small car was making it difficult. Would she have to walk him to his door? He might invite her in. She was going to have to pick him up again in the morning. Maybe she should just spend the night.

He stopped dead and grabbed her arm. “What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything, sir.” Maybe he wasn’t as fine as he’d said. She thought he might be a little pale. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

He let go of her arm. “Yeah. I just thought- Never mind.”

They were pulling into his driveway when things went from weird to horrifically awkward.

“You know, Carter. I kind of do want you to come in.”

She tried to pretend like that was the wackiest thing she’d ever heard. Like being alone with him in his house was the last thing in the world she wanted. “Why?” Even with the one-word sentence, she couldn’t keep her voice steady. She should have called him a cab. Driving him home was turning into the worst idea she’d had in a long time.

“Really, the worst idea? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think.”

“Are you-,” he was trying not to laugh and she punched his shoulder--hard, because he deserved it. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Ow. Stop beating me, Carter.” He opened the door like he was just going to go on with his life. Sam tried to think of all the things she’d been thinking about for the last thirty minutes. Surely not all of them were inappropriate. “Not all of them,” he said. “But enough.”

He got out of the car, and Sam followed. “Sir, I can’t just leave you here. Janet will want know about this.”

“Oh, hell no, Carter.” He was putting his key in the lock and Sam knew she’d missed her chance. There was no way she was going to get him back in the car. Unless... “Don’t even think about it,” he called over his shoulder.

“But, sir-”

He held up a hand. “Ah! I’ll tell her about it tomorrow. Just... keep thinking and let me enjoy this while it lasts.”

 

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#6  
supplyship also made a Sam Carter hair chart. Then she made one for Teal'c too. It was awesome enough to deserve some commentfic.  
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Jack hated moving. It was something he’d grown used to-the military did that to a person, but he’d never liked it. Even now, when the move came with one hell of a big perk, he resented the process. The packing, the lifting, the unpacking, the cardboard carnage he’d have to deal with in DC. The Air Force movers would take care of most of his stuff, there were just some things he wasn’t willing to trust to the lowest bidders.

Carter agreed to go through the house with him, helping separate his life into neat little piles of important and expendable. Packing was one of the few things she wasn’t good at. Jack blamed the scientist in her, always wanting to examine things in detail. She’d probably make the job take twice as long.

She was in his closet, working her way through whatever detritus had collected there. Jack picked through his clothes and looked over at her because she was still wearing her pajamas and her pajamas consisted of nothing but underwear and a tank top. She was on her hands and knees, pulling things out into the light and Jack forgot what he was supposed to be doing.

Christ, it wasn’t enough that she was slow, she was going to slow him down too. Not that it wasn’t worth it. He threw some underwear in his suitcase like an afterthought.

“What is this?” she called out.

It was one of the brief moments where Jack hadn’t been staring at her ass. He had to turn and look at her. And shit. She wasn’t ever supposed to see the thing she was glaring at. Jack considered his options and wished for a girlfriend with slightly less brain power. “Uh.”

She walked toward him like she had a purpose, like the paper she was holding contained a decree from someone important and it was her job to deliver its message. All Jack could think about was how her top had scrunched up under her breasts, leaving her bare stomach to taunt him. This was not going to end well.

“Is this me?” she demanded.

He stepped back and his legs hit the nightstand. Trapped in his own bedroom. If he was quick, he might manage a combat roll across the mattress. Carter stepped between him and his only route to safety. Too many years in the field had left her with an uncanny ability to predict his movements. It was great for their sex life, not so great for escaping. “Uh,” he said again.

She flattened the paper on the bed. One of his socks was under it, giving super-short haired Carter a slightly bulging appearance. Like a manatee, maybe. Carter frowned and removed the sock. He knew the second she figured it out. He’d spent too much time watching her solve problems to miss it. “Oh, my god,” she said. “Is this a chart of my hair?”

“No?” He couldn’t help the lie. She made him feel like a five year old that had been caught drawing on the walls with a bright red crayon. Big pictures, probably of naked people.

“Seriously, Jack?”

“I was bored.” And he had been. Bored, lonely and feeling mostly useless while they ran off and saved the galaxy, leaving him alone with his thoughts which were never good. He knew what it was like out there, how easily they could be killed. What if he was the one who packed the luck every trip? So, yeah, he’d needed something to kill time. Something distracting.

Carter tilted her head and stared at him. She reached out and touched his cheek like she knew he’d been thinking less than fun thoughts. It was brief, just enough to pull him back, and she went back to staring at his art project. “Why didn’t anyone tell me I had the same haircut as Daniel?”

Jack backtracked through the years to when he was still too angry to notice how amazing Carter really was. Those were lighter times, before things between them got... uncomfortable. Her and Daniel had been so much alike, even without the hair. Both of them so excited about every new thing they stumbled over while Jack was too busy trying to keep them alive to care. “Nobody noticed?”

“What are these numbers?” She didn’t give him the chance to lie. Not that it would have made a difference. “Are they ratings?” Jack kept his mouth shut. He ran a finger over her ribs, hoping to distract her. “You rated my hair?” She was smiling now and Jack figured she wasn’t going to kill him or keep all the sex to herself.

“If it makes you feel better,” he said. “I have one for Teal’c too.”

 

******

He was stuck at Carter's house for a week before leaving Colorado. The movers had taken his sheets and his bed, and camping on the floor didn't hold much appeal for either of them. It was a hard transition--Carter's house still felt slightly off-limits, and Jack felt like a kid sneaking into an R-rated movie. They sat on the couch the first night pretending to have conversations and killing time before they could run off to the bedroom without feeling like a couple of hormone driven teenagers. It wasn’t that their relationship was only about sex, but they’d waited an awful long time and were doing their level best to make up for lost time. Jack thought he’d be lucky to show up at his next assignment in one piece.

He didn’t like to think too hard about his next assignment because he was pretty sure it was going to encompass all the things he hated in life. Carter had promised to visit often enough to keep him happy but Jack was starting to think that anything less than all the time was going to be less than enough. He’d grown pretty fond of having her all to himself in the short time they’d had since he’d given up the SGC.

By the second day, Jack decided that he preferred staying at Carter’s house. Her sheets were softer and her tub was big enough to fit both of them. There was also food at Carter’s house. Edible food. So, that was good too. They would have died at Jack’s house if deliverable food had never been invented. His house was all sex and pizza, sex and Kung Pao Chicken, sex and Phad Thai. It was nice to have eggs and toast for breakfast instead of leftover pizza crust.

He had to share her with the rest of the team the last two nights he was there. Everybody wanted a piece of him before he left. They went bar-hopping one night and drank enough to suck all the fun out of the next morning. Carter had stayed in her dark room until noon while Jack slept on the couch because he was afraid she might throw up on him. Good times.

She drove him to the airport on the last day and kissed him in a way that made it hard to take the first step toward his gate. He spent the whole flight thinking that he should have just retired.

He was only in DC a week when the package showed up at his office. There was no return address, just ‘Carter’ in the corner with a little smiley face. He waited until he got back to his hotel room to open it just in case she’d sent him some naked pictures like he kept asking her to.

He felt a little giddy when he tore the cardboard open and saw a picture frame, but when he flipped it over there was no naked Carter on the other side. It wasn’t as detailed as his chart had been; Carter wasn’t much of an artist. He’d also had more to work with. Carter’s picture only had two little stickmen on it. Both with sticking-up hair, one brown, one silver.

He ran his finger over it to the number ‘10’ she’d written under the silver-haired version and smiled.

*****

“It’s a little weird that you keep a picture of yourself on your nightstand.”

“I like it,” he told the back of her neck. “It reminds me that you still think I’m hot.” She rolled over and stared at him. It made his toes feel warm. “You know, when you’re not here,” he added.

“I do,” she said. She had that look in her eyes that always scared Jack just a little. She crawled on top of him and ran her hands over his chest. Jack felt dizzy and had a hard time concentrating on her words. “I think you are very, very hot.”

She leaned forward and stuck her tongue in his ear. “Ack!” He almost threw her off the bed when she laughed. His ears were just a little bit ticklish. “Stop it, Carter. I don’t have time for all that.”

“Fine,” she said as she rolled back to her own space. “Have it your way.” His way would be to flush his phone down the toilet and spend the day naked but they’d probably just send the MPs after him. She swatted his ass when he got up to take a shower. “I hate your job.”

“You and me both,” he said. “See you when I get back?”

“Sure. I’m not leaving this bed unless the world is ending.”

******

She was gone by the time he got home.

He’d already been informed of the situation at the SGC, not the end of the world but perhaps the end of some other world where two SG teams were dealing with a malfunctioning DHD. It had been more than a little awkward to be involved in the decision to pull her off leave and send her back to Colorado. The sympathetic looks that flew around the room had put him in a foul mood for the rest of the day.

The house was dark and depressing when he walked in the door. It was always like that when she left. Like she took all the happiness with her, leaving nothing but a hollow shell for him. He sat in front of the tv with a beer and checked his watch every fifteen minutes. She’d call when she could. He knew that. It didn’t make the waiting any easier. Midnight came and went and Jack’s phone sat silent on the coffee table.

It was going to be a long night.

His bed was still rumpled and he found her tank top stuffed under a pillow. He added it to his growing collection of Carter clothes. Soon he’d have enough to warrant giving her some drawer space. Carter was content to live out of her suitcase when she visited but Jack wanted something more permanent.

There was a note on his nightstand, propped up between brown-haired stick-figure Jack, and silver-haired stick-figure Jack. He sat on the edge of the bed and opened it, taking his time like it might contain some bad news. He was still half expecting her to come to her senses and realize she could do better. Carter had always been way the hell out of his league and he knew it.

There was no bad news, no maybe we can still be friends or it’s me, not you, just another horrible piece of Carter art. It was a robot, maybe. Jack figured by the yellow hair that it was supposed to be robot-Carter but it was a stretch. Art was really not her strong point. She had one red eye and a little speech bubble floating over her head. “I’ll be back,” it said. He laughed even though it wasn’t really funny. That joke had been done to death. He just appreciated the effort.

Jack kicked his shoes off and stretched out on the bed. He sat the Carternator picture next to the stick-figure Jacks and waited for his phone to ring.

 

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#7  
pepper_field decided that finding commentfic was the best scavenger hunt ever. Jack disagreed.  
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Jack was kicked back in his chair trying to rub the tension out of his head while the voice on his speakerphone droned on and on and on. He didn’t even know what the senator was saying at this point. Something about resources and money and constituents, and nothing about the fact that Carter had been sitting at his house for five hours while he was stuck in this special version of hell.

He perked up a bit when his cellphone jingled at him. Carter was the only one who sent him text messages. Mostly because he ignored everyone else.

_Where are you?_

_Still in hell_ , he typed back. _Are you naked?_

_Yes._

Christ. He should never have asked that question. He turned down the volume on his office phone. Priorities were important. In the beginning of this thing they had going on, he would have thought she was kidding. Much to his delight, Carter was extremely fond of walking around his house wearing nothing but her dog tags. His cell phone chased the naked Carter image from his head. She was probably concerned that he’d passed out.

_Jack?_

_Yes._ He poked at the tiny keys. _Hanging up on senator. B home soon._

He didn’t actually hang up on the senator. That would have been rude, even for Jack. He did, however, turn out the lights and lock the door while the guy was still rambling on about things that were not naked Carter. People looked concerned as he ran by them in the halls. They probably all thought something horrible had happened and he was trying to escape the upcoming apocalypse. It was a reasonable assumption. Jack was pretty high up the information food chain.

His car was already waiting for him because he was supposed to have been in it two hours ago. He made a mental note to put his driver in for a promotion as a reward for being so patient at a time when Jack himself was not. “Drive fast,” he said as he opened the door.

It was hard to drive fast in traffic but they made pretty good time.

His porch light was on which was odd because the switch had been broken for a week. Carter must have been really bored. Having her around to fix things was his second favorite thing about her visits. It wasn’t that he couldn’t replace a light switch, it was just easier to kick back with a beer after work. Procrastination was one of his strong points. It drove Carter nuts.

He almost died when he walked in the door, tripping over her shoes and barely catching himself before he whacked his head into the corner of the wall. It wasn’t like Carter to be so messy. He was hanging his jacket on the coat rack when he spotted her pants draped over the back of the couch. “Huh,” he said to the empty room. The pants were a little odd, but not as much as the underwear hanging from his dining room light fixture.

He looked more closely at his surroundings. There was a shirt on the kitchen counter and he passed a sock in the hall while he made his way to the bedroom. He picked a bra off the handle when he opened the door. Carter was on his bed, propped up on her elbows reading a magazine. “Hey,” she said over her shoulder.

Jack took a moment to admire the view because she hadn’t been lying. She really was naked. “Hey, yourself,” he said. He held up her underwear like a victory flag. “I found your clothes.”

She grinned at him, wide and mischievous. “Yeah, I was hoping you would.”

It wasn’t like he’d had much of a choice. She hadn’t hidden them very well. He made a note to never put her in charge of a scavenger hunt. Only, wait. She was naked and he was holding her underwear. He changed his mind because this was the best scavenger hunt ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Feedback is always appreciated. :)


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